So I suppose this is the point where I’m supposed to acknowledge that with my departure date arriving in less than a week that nerves are starting to waiver a bit. I hate to disappoint.. so I indeed will acknowledge that there’s a certain sense of anxiety lying beneath my calm, yet excited exterior. How could I not be feeling–something? Regardless of the fact that I have done this before doesn’t make this new experience “old hat” or completely familiar. I’ve gone back into the troves of blog archives from a site that has not existed for more than a decade (RUHome, anyone?). Reading through a post after my arrival articulates what I felt at the time fairly well:
For the record, I’m still not feeling much of anything about my current situation. It’s been like this for days now. I’m just continuing to roll with the punches as they’re brought forward. For some reason, all this just seems like a normal day to me and I can’t figure out for the life of me why this is.
There is a significant difference to this trip, in that I have had much more time to prepare. My now longtime friend at the time had been doing all the legwork in finding us a teaching placement where we could both go together for mutual support, and in mid-February she announced that she had found a place and we were to be there in slightly over two weeks. It was a complete whirlwind and as a result, the whole situation didn’t sink in until long after I had arrived. This time around, I have had plenty of time to think about everything. Most of my whirlwinds for round two happened in June as I struggled to collect, notarize, and authenticate all my documents before I left British Columbia–leaving me with a LOT of time to think about things. Fortunately, most of that thinking hasn’t happened until the past day or two.
Interestingly, I am not really sure what it is that I’m feeling anxiety about. It’s just there. The whole “OMG, I’m moving to China in x days” kind of anxiety. I know what I’m getting into– well– mostly. I have my wife as a Mandarin speaking security blanket, but I still find myself apprehensive this time around. Maybe its the anxiety I should have felt 14 years ago that is finally catching up with me.