January 17 in 2002..

Fourteen years ago, I wrote the following for my old website, RUHome. I was such a lonely whiney bitch.
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Believe it or not, this post was going to be about self pity, dispare, rejection, and pain. But I figured why bother. You probably don’t really care anyway so why wallow in my own pool of negativity.
While sitting on the john tonight, I thought back to my past. A time in my early days of gaming. I thought about how we always introduced are new breed of power characters to each other. The GM/DM/Storyteller/Referee would almost always start off like it was the beginning of a bad joke. “You guys are all in a bar…” I too fell prey to that character introduction. Why do I point this out you may ask? Because I have yet to go into a bar and really meet anyone new. At least not new in the sense of “this person has no relation to any of my friends here” kind of new. Why is it I haven’t met anyone new? I think I can chalk that up to two reasons. 1) I’m a chickenshit. Merde de poulet. I can’t go up to someone I’ve never met before and say “How you doin?” a la Joey from friends. 2) I’m a big guy. Otherwise known as obese! That’s right, in all non-pc ways of it all…I’m fat. I don’t have that rock-star body that always seems to be in demand. Okay, in all fairness, I’m not gross-fat. I think (at least) that I carry it well. I’ve never had problems making friends with women. But when your at a bar, they’re not looking for friends. There lookin’ for some serious deep-dicking, no matter Senator, Lesbian or Nun. I’m what to what they refer to as “cuddly.” As good as that may sound, it doesn’t get you none. It gets you hugs. Lots of hugs. Don’t get me wrong, I like hugs. They’re what keep me going. But dammit, a little more than hugs would be nice. Nice. My other curse–but don’t get me started.
So instead of being about dispare and pity, this is about being angry and whining. I’m not really sure which one is better. Maybe I should have gone for the pity-thang. Oops.

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